Sunday, March 11, 2012

Channeling My Inner Julia Sugarbaker

Dear Dude in the Pontiac Crossfire,

 You sped out of nowhere, cutting me off, as I was exciting the roundabout today. Then you demonstrated a severe lack of manners and good sense, by flashing me, the one who was wronged, an obscene gesture after I almost hit you. I suppose I should be angry that you would do such a rude thing to a nice, traffic law and roundabout etiquette observing lady, like myself. However, I find the situation rather sad, and somewhat amusing. Amusing, because, hello!, you are a dude driving a “chick car”. You must be quite embarrassed, and felt the need to assert your “masculine” side somehow. I find the situation sad, because you must have something missing in your life to cause you to behave like such an arrogant, scum-sucking larvae on the pimple of a dog’s butt. Did you not have good parental role models who taught you how to behave like a decent human being? Do you compare yourself to other men and come up lacking because you don’t know how real men are supposed to act? Was your mother not involved in your life, so you never learned the concept of respecting other people? I’m sorry, that’s so sad. Perhaps you should put down your Bluetooth earpiece, buy a pickup truck, or nice sedan, and get some therapy. Someday, someone’s husband might not take kindly to the fact that you flipped off his wife. He may chase you down in your little sports car wannabe and punch your sorry nose. Not being a real man and all, you wouldn’t know how to respond to that, and would probably crawl back into Barbie’s dream machine and cry. We wouldn’t want that to happen, so take this as a friendly warning, because I care about stupid jerks like you who are crying out for love and attention.

A Nice Lady
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