Ask Aunt Bethy

*blowing away the cobwebs* Hi! I'm back! I'm still slacking on the posting, I know.  Sorry about that.  I'm sure you've all been waiting with baited breath (phew! Sheesh! How about sucking on a Mentos, or something!) for me to post again, right? (Humor me, people.)  Well, as you've no doubt noticed, I'm out of writing ideas, and very much into lounging on my couch watching tv and reading other people's blogs instead.

With that said, I've decided to surf for blog material.  I went to one of those "ask a question" type sites, and after being at turns horrified, stunned, interested, and tickled (old fashioned word, I know, but what else is a good verb for "thought something was funny") by the questions, I've decided upon a few, real, word for word questions to answer here, Imperfect Mom style.

Ready? Here we go.

I found my wife passed out on the kitchen floor with an empty bottle of chocolate syrup lying beside her...?


And.....sooooo.....  You say this like it's an unusual thing.  Everyone needs a little "Me Time" right?

I'm in McDonalds, d'you think it'd be OK if I left my laptop on the table for 2 minuets?


Sure! Everyone will be too stunned by the sight of you dancing in 3/4 time around the condiment/drink station to even think about stealing your laptop.  (Unless you live in New York City-I hear they're pretty used to weird stuff there.)
 
Integrate the expression x^4/(e^x - 1)^2 in the limits 0 to infinity?
 
Ummm....well....errrrrrr..... Oh heck, we ALL know the answers to THAT, right? Heh, heh. Yeah. So...ummm...I'll just move on to another category, because this question is just too....obvious...yeah, that's it. *ahem*
 
What is the Parents Worst Nightmare?

You.  Next!
 
Need to have wisdom teeth removed ASAP, how will this effect breastfeeding?

Well honey, if your child has wisdom teeth, I'd say it's time to stop nursing anyhow.  (Ba-dum-bum! That's me making a rimshot noise!)

OMG !!! Why does the United States have to throw tantrums and overreact to evverrything?



OMG!!!!!!!! I don't KNOW!! It's sooo crazzzy, right? That country is, like,  such a baby, or something. 
 
Ok, I realize I'm just acting like a jerk now.
 
Does the proper way to do Christmas shopping involve a bottle of vodka and Amazon.com?
 
Sure, if the people on your gift giving list won't be upset to receive gifts like these:
http://www.amazon.com/Unknown-Toilet-Monster/dp/B000OUV5XM/ref=pd_sim_k_23
 
http://www.amazon.com/Accoutrements-11761-Novelty-Yodeling-Pickle/dp/B0010VS078/ref=pd_sim_sg_27
 
http://www.amazon.com/Accoutrements-Squirrel-Underpants/dp/B001NQE3F8/ref=pd_sim_sg_2
 
http://www.amazon.com/Inflatable-Toast/dp/B0016CSBS4/ref=pd_sim_t_5
 
Whore do some women get the idea that "men just want one thing"?




I think you just answered your own question there, Mr.Woods.
 
How to live and survive in such a cruel world?



I think I'll let "Sarge" answer this one.

 
There we go.  Help me out, here.  I just spent way too much time looking for questions.  Do you have a burning question that needs an answer? Ask away, and I'll answer some in a future post.  Just no math questions.  You know, because they're too....easy.  Yeah. Uh huh.