Thursday, April 7, 2011

School Daze

If you work or spend a lot of time in an elementary school (or if you can remember back that far), you'll probably agree that a grade school is a pretty unique microcosm of society, with it's own culture, rules, traditions, and so forth.  I've recently come to the conclusion that if the country (world?) were run like an elementary school, I think it might be a better place, or at the very least, a more polite one.

In elementary schools across the country, you will find exuberant young children running in the hallways.  For every running child, there is a teacher making the runner walk back to wherever they started their hoofing, and return, at a walking pace.  Children will get around this by walking as fast as they possibly can-little arms stiffly chopping the air at their sides, as they briskly make their way down the corridor.  This is generally tolerated, because after all, they are walking!

Now think back to the last time you were driving down the interstate, perhaps doing about 10 over the speed limit (you know, to keep up with the flow), when some douchebag in a Lexus starts tailgating you.  If you're like me, you'll slow down at that point to annoy the crap outta the guy until he passes you in a blurr of honking and angry gestures as you smile and wave.  (Just me?)  Anyhow, doesn't it feel great when a couple of miles down the road, you see that this guy has been pulled over for speeding?  Well, imagine if our laws were like those of an elementary school! Mr. Attitude has to drive all the freakin' way back home-at speed limit-and return before he can go on to his destination! Awesome, right?  Please notice that a speed walk-or, a cushion of about 10mph over limit-is tolerated.  I'll bet that SirCompensatingforSomething wouldn't be speeding anymore! 

Oh, and the tailgating? Well, when school kids are pushing each other in line, the rude little culprit often has to go to the end of the line.  Tailgaters would have to go to the end of the visible line of traffic. Heh. 

Oh, and wouldn't it be cool to be the "Line Leader" of traffic for the day? Much like being selected for jury duty, only much more fun (minus the free state paid for food), random, well behaved citizens would be selected to be line leader for the day, and would receive a special light to place on their car.  As long as that light is there, no one can pass the leader of the day. Cool right? You could totally pretend you were the pace car driver of the Indy 500!

At the school I work at, students who are observed showing some type of respectful or caring behavior, or displaying self control or responsibility, can earn a "Caught Doing My Part" card from any adult in the building.  These students get to proudly take their cards to the office, where the secretaries are sure to gush over their wonderful behavior, and drop their card in a box.  Cards are pulled randomly by the principal, and the lucky winners get a school T-shirt to sport proudly (eventually everyone gets a shirt).  All cards are posted on a bulletin board.

So, imagine-you receive a phone call from a police officer, or a senator or somebody, who tells you how fabulous it is that you have been obeying all the laws, paying your taxes on time, donating money to charity/doing volunteer work, and basically, being a responsible member of society.  Your name will be read on the evening news, and you will be receiving a check for $5,000 soon-just for doing what you are expected to do anyway.   Who wouldn't like that?

I could go on forever-special treatment on your birthday, regularly scheduled, frequent restroom breaks during the workday, people made to politely take turns, lunch for everyone, whether you can afford it or not, etc.  Any other ideas?


  1. I love it! How about raising your hand to talk and being respectful of everyone's thoughts. You know so that moron in the ill fitting suit doesn't monopolize the meeting!

  2. Great ideas! That would certainly make The View a more comfortable show to watch!(That show seriously stresses me out with all the interrupting and such)

  3. I am working at a school all day and never thought of it that way. What a great perspective! Enjoyable post to read!

  4. LOL...what a wonderful idea about the person caught speeding having to return to their starting location before reaching their destination....LOVE IT!! I've got a few cop friends, I should mention it, and just perhaps they'll award me with a "Caught Doing Good Card" - Great Post

  5. Hope you are have a great and relaxing Summer Vacation!!


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