Friday, October 22, 2010

Confessions of an Imperfect Mom

Have those Super Mom freaks got you down? Do you feel like you can never be as "good" as they are? Do all of their "must dos" and rules have you overwhelmed? Well, forget about them, and all their supposed perfection.  Forget about that sanctimoniously shocked look that PTA mom might have given you when she saw your 2 year old happily cramming Chicken McNuggets down her gullet, while your 7 year old stole a big slug of your Starbucks.  Forget that judgy/pitying look that other Mom in the doctor's office gave you when you pulled out a bottle to feed your baby with. They're Pharisees.  Legalists.  And they're probably liars, too.  They (secretly) may not follow all the "rules" either.  They just don't have the confidence to admit it.

Have you broken some of the Perfect Mom Rules? I have.  Sure, most of those rules are actually based upon really good ideas-but some folks would have us believe that our children are doomed if we don't do every.single.thing. that the parenting books and magazines tell us to, all.the.time.  (Ever notice how that advice changes every few years, anyhow? Yet, the majority of humans somehow make it beyond childhood.  Imagine that....) 

So, I thought I'd share some of my own Imperfect Mom Confessions.  Now, if you believe differently than me, that's ok.  Really.  We all just need to cut each other some slack.
  1. I didn't breastfeed my children   And I don't feel guilty about it.  Can you believe I just admitted that?! On a Mom blog?! For real?! I know.  But it's the truth.  I didn't breastfeed either of them, yet somehow, they are still capable of passing our state's standardized testing! Crazy, right? Despite what I was warned when they were infants, they are not dumb, sickly, allergic to everything, or fat.  By no means am I putting down breastfeeding-I promise you I'm not!! I've read the research, there are many great reasons to breastfeed.  So, if that is a mother's choice, then that's wonderful.  But if her choice is to formula feed, then that's great too, because her kids will be fine.  I promise.  (And if they aren't, then it won't be because they drank baby formula.) I've got two healthy, honor roll kids to prove it.  Hey, I was a formula baby, and not only did I make it to adulthood, but I obtained a college degree.  Plus, I'm really smart sane normal cute funny ok.
  2. My kids eat food from McDonald's at least once every other week.  Yes, I've seen Fast Food Nation.  Yes, I know that eating fast food all the time isn't healthy.  Yes, I've read the reports about how McDonald's food doesn't decompose like other foods do.  Actually, that sort of fascinates me-every time I find a 6 month old french fry under the seat in the minivan that still looks fresh from the fryer, from now on I'm going to wonder why McDonald's doesn't have their own line of anti-aging skin creams.  Seriously, I think I'm on to something with this....
  3. My kids were preschool age before they gave up their pacifiers.  Before I had kids, I would roll my eyes (at least inwardly) when I saw a toddler with a binky.  I insisted that no child of mine would have a pacifier past 6 months of age. Then, I had kids of my own. Yep.  I think I could end this one here, and you'd all understand, right?  My daughter gave up hers when she turned three, but my son didn't until he turned 4. Yikes-that does sound kind of bad in print.  We tried the Binky Fairy, the Let's Give All the Binkies to the Poor Babies Who Don't Have Any gimmick, we tried using logic (Ha! Have you met a preschooler?) , and we tried cold turkey.  That whole "Cold Turkey" thing led my brother in law, who was living with us at the time, to go to the store for a new pacifier for our three year old son in the midst of a very bad storm.  He literally got hailed on walking out of the store, and there were tornadoes in the area.  My son, who is terrified of storms still, had been crying inconsolably for hours.  No amount of love, hugs, rocking, or reassurance would stop the wailing.  But once he had his precious new "doot-doot", all was well with the world once again.  We'll be telling that story at his wedding someday, for sure! Anyhow, they both gave them up eventually, and are both quite well adjusted.  Plus, their dental problems have nothing to do with pacifiers-it's all genetic.  Unless that horrible Similac has something to do with it...
So, there you go.  I'm sure I'll have more confessions for you another time, but I think I've stirred up enough controversy already.  If I could tell my Younger Mom Self one thing, it would be to relax-everything will be ok.  I wonder what my Middle Aged Mom Self would say to the current me about raising teens? Scratch that, I'm afraid to find out!


  1. Fabulous! Judgmental moms suck. I didn't breastfeed either, although I do have twinges of regret from time to time. However, my children have always been healthy, yeah they get sick but anymore than any other kids. Actually some of my breastfeeding friends have kids with a lot of ear infections, tubes in ears, etc???
    McDonald's is every now and then. I too saw FFN and it made me gag.
    As for the pacifier... begged for my children to take one. neither ever did.

  2. Ah first comment didn't work...but basically I agree, some moms need to take a chill pill!!

  3. Hey, nothing against the bink. I was on mine so long I transitioned right from the pacifier to the Corona longneck.

  4. I love this. I confess that my 2nd son was potty trained at the age of 5, 3 days before he started kindergarten! Yikes!

  5. I confess that I too formula fed both of them...AND...I HAVE been stopped in the middle of the lobby at church by well meaning senior ladies who give me all kinds of guff about it.
    My daughter isn't two yet and everytime we pass by a McDonald's ANYWHERE she yells "fries".
    I LOVE imperfect moms...
    Pharisees...good one!

  6. I started to breast feed. Was doing ok for about 2 month's. My child though was 9.5 lbs at BIRTH. At best, even engorged I may have reached a "C" cup. I was told by those nurses & lactation "consultants"(bullies),..."don't worry, you body will make all the baby needs". I wanted to go back to her after those 2 months and slap her on the forehead! (Wait, this is a mommy confession blog right)
    Anyway, opinion, do what you can,...when you can, best as you can,...and you DON'T have to answer to anyone!

    Whew! That felt good,....
    Great place to vent!

  7. Great confessions - and thank you for being real! So often we walk around holding up these masks. You know what? We're all in the same boat. We need more real bloggers like you. :)




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