Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Road Rage Letters

Vehicle with its left directional signal activ...Image via Wikipedia

To the Very Rude and Angry Man Who Was Waiting to Turn,

I cannot even express how sure I am that it is not my fault that YOU did not realize that my turn signal was on, and had been on, for a very appropriate length of time.  I realize that you would have turned sooner if you had known that I was turning onto the road you were waiting on in your redneck mobile.  However, I also realize that I gave you two very important clues regarding my intention to turn: first, I turned on my turn signal in advance, and second, I slowed down as I approached my turn.  Perhaps you are unfamiliar with the purpose of turn signals.  Perhaps in your neighborhood, one must throw a crumpled beer can out the window in the direction one intends upon turning.  Or maybe you just yell out the window "Hey, ya'll! I'm fixin' to turn!"  But here in the 'burbs, we have these flashy light thingies, and these thingies blink on the side that we are going to be turning.  This eliminates the need for big neon arrows, and cuts down on car crashes. 

So, since I followed the rules, I feel quite insulted that you decided to blare your horn, yell disparaging and hurtful remarks about my personal character, and raise both arms out the window in that "what the heck?" motion.  I hope that the next time you do that, your arms freeze in place, shrivel and atrophy from lack of use, and then dry up and crumble away.  Likewise, I hope that your foot becomes like a lead magnet on the brake pedal.  Then, everyone behind you will honk and scream obscenities to you because you can't move, and you will have plenty of time to sit and think about what a sad, lonely, alienating jerk you are.

Hope This Helps,


Was that a little too harsh?
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  1. No, not harsh enough! I don't know which surprises me more---that you're posting on a Tuesday night or that people say "y'all" and "fixing to" up there (it's not just the rednecks that say it down here!)

    Given the circumstances, I completely understand your road rage. Completely justifiable!

  2. Didn't you get the notice, Men own the road. You tell em Bethany...jerk!

  3. You're so sweet to write a letter. I think I would've yelled all of that out to him. Jerk for sure.

  4. I agree with Chocolate Covered Daydreams...I would have yelled back. People do stuff like that all the time. I mean, what do they want?


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