Saturday, October 2, 2010

Dieting Advice I Don't Want to Hear Anymore

Well, it's that time again.  I need to lose some weight.  I've gained 8 frickin' pounds (on top of the 30+ I already need to lose), and I'm down to 2 pairs of pants that fit comfortably.  Gee, I miss the days of eating what I wanted and not having to worry about it-that was wonderful!  Then, I turned 30, and my metabolism came to a screeching halt.  Really! At 29, it was still chugging away, maybe not running quite as smoothly as it did at say, 23, but it was still getting the job done.  Then, the day I turned 30, it just quit.  Not a cough, or a sputter, just...nothing.  The warranty must have run out.  Isn't that how it goes with everything else? When it's under warranty, it's great, but as soon as the warranty expires-BAM! A $567 repair bill.

Anyhow, I go through this often, and after I finally build up the motivation to start exercising and counting calories, I watch the pounds hang on like preschoolers who won't leave their mommies on the first day of school.  Finally, one or two will be ripped away screaming "Noooooo!!! You can't do this to me! I'll be back, and next time, I'll bring friends! Bwahahaha!"  Eventually, I get tired of counting calories, and even more sick of exercising, and I quit.  I have a short attention span-I just don't have the patience to stick with it.  So, here I go again.  In order to build up my motivation, I've been searching around on the internet, looking to see if there are any new, life-changing diet tips that will turn me into a motivated person who is addicted to exercise, and no longer dreams of all the foods I shouldn't eat much of.  No such luck-it's just the same old stuff-that I'm tired of hearing.  For example:

It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change.  This is supposed to help me feel better, how!  So in a nutshell, not only do I have to limit my portions and favorite foods while I'm trying to fit my boo-tay back in my jeans, but I have to do it forever?! If I can't even manage to do that for a few measly weeks before getting bored, how am I ever going to have the motivation to do that for the rest of my life?  Sure, I like some healthy foods, but I also love cheesey, saucy, yummy comfort foods.

You can still enjoy going out to eat, just look for grilled or broiled chicken or fish with no sauces, and eat a salad with dressing on the side.  Going out to dinner is something I really enjoy.  I like food! (except fish!) So after weeks of watching what I eat at home, I'm supposed to have the willpower and desire to go to a restaurant and actually choose to forgo the yummy stuff in favor of chocking down a piece of flavorless chicken and a dry salad while everyone else eats food with taste? Seriously? I'd rather stay home.  And possibly cry....

If you drink lots of water before meals, you won't eat as much.  Well, that's because I'll be sitting in the bathroom all day! Seriously, I've tried this, and I just get hungry again sooner.

You must eat breakfast! It's the most important meal of the day! The sky will fall if you don't eat breakfast every, single, solitary fricken day!  I hate this one.  The only time of day that I'm usually not thinking too much about food, is when I first get up.  Just give me my Coke Zero, and everything will be good.  The truth is, my stomach is always growling for lunch within 2-3 hours-regardless of whether I've eaten breakfast, or not! Sometimes, eating breakfast makes me even more hungry! Oh sure, if I've eaten a big breakfast of carb and fat laden foods, then I'm fine, but that sort of defeats the purpose.  I'd rather save those calories for later.  So, get off my back you breakfast militants!

Search for an activity you like! There's something for everyone, and soon, you'll enjoy it so much that you'll look forward to doing it!  This is great advice for a lot of people-particularly those with athletic ability, and plenty of money and time.  Not so much for me.  I've tried lots of things over the years.  Some I can tolerate, so I do those until I get so sick of them I quit.  I suppose it would help if I ever experience those "feel good endorphins" that the fitness police swear everyone gets after some good, sweaty, breathless, jiggly cardio.

Ok, I realize this is a pretty negative post, but dangit! I'm hungry!!  You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry... Plus, pretending to be positive when I'm really not feeling it, makes me giddy with sarcasm, and we wouldn't want that to happen! What is your least favorite diet advice?


  1. HA! Bethany, you crack me up. I love that you labeled this one "bad attitude"---I have a bad attitude about A LOT of things!

    Well, I agree on *almost* all this advice. I really did have a lifestyle change when I was diagnosed with diabetes in Feb. 2009 and I consequently lost 50lbs. I really and truly attribute that to God because He knew I couldn't do it on my own. I still need to at least 50 more but it feels good to have made progress.

    OK, don't get mad....the thing about breakfast is true. But only if you make sure you eat a good amount of protein. Sausage biscuits are a favorite of mine! But if you really and truly don't like a lot of food in the morning, there's always yogurt, cheese and crackers, or an egg. I'm with you about the Coke Zero---love it!

    So, please don't hate me about breakfast! The one thing I totally agree with is the advice about bland, tasteless food. I think everything is OK within moderation. If I deprive myself that's when it starts to get hard. If I'm going to have a salad, it's going to have all my favorite toppings and a real dressing. I eat real mayo and real butter, too.

    Keep us posted on how you're doing and try not to stress too much!

  2. I meant to say: I still need to "lose" at least 50 more lbs.

  3. I have a lot of good advice about dieting, but truly I find that I won't actually lose weight unless I'm slightly hungry at bedtime. Every.Night. Dieting advice I loathe? The truth.

    Oh, another truth I don't like? Unless you're exercising enough to train for an olympic sport, you're not going to lose weight except by dieting. Bleh!

  4. @Mary Bailey I usually try to grab a piece a string cheese or a yogurt on my way to work, and sometimes I even have a granola bar. But often, I go without, and can't tell a difference in my hunger levels. I just can't do sausage (unless there's gravy involved!) or eggs early in the morning-the smell annoys me until I've been awake for a while.
    @Hearth "Dieting advice I loathe? The truth." Exactly!

  5. I'm not such a fan of the whole..."keep sauces on the side and just dip your fork in it to get the taste before you spear your food"...
    I'm just not a fan period! I feel ya's SO not easy and I'm right there with ya :p

  6. I hate dieting - I did one diet that worked and then decided it was too much work, had 4 kids and have accepted the fact that I'm gonna be a little "fluffy" from now on. :) Good luck!

  7. Oh, I could have soooo written this post. I didn't, because I'm not as funny as you, but I could've. Especially the breakfast part. I don't really like to eat in the mornings, and I definitely get hungrier when I eat breakfast. Diet Pepsi is the way to go!

  8. I have no advice to give you. I had to laugh at this post because I am experiencing the same bad attitude about "die----ting". I have no excuses. Haven't even begun to try really.

  9. Sorry no words of wisdom from me...I can't seem to stick with anything right now! I did South Beach for a long time and I was successful on it, but I haven't been able to stick with it for long lately! The only exercise I get now is a ZUMBA class once a week! I enjoy that alot!! Good luck, and if you find something that works, please share!! ;0)

    Thanks for stopping by Organized answer you question about the cord...the cord is rather thin, and the pumpkin just sits on it. It didn't effect the level-ness(is that a word ;0)) of the pumpkin!!

  10. Love this, I'm sick of hearing ...its easy just eat less and move more...well duh!

  11. Just wanted to let you know that I'm having another book giveaway on my blog. You and all your readers are invited to enter!


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